Take it and live with it

Today was another bad day for me.

I was locked inside toilet for 1 hour and paid RM45 for the locksmith on my own and still, need to handle a wave of jokes(because that was my second times) which I am bored to listen and respond, with my bad mood at that time being.

I was criticized by my thesis supervisor, saying that I was disrespectful because of my ‘simple’ phone messages made him think that I was treating him as a friend instead of a lecturer. For your information, he has been not replying my sms, calls and email just for this little small matter. That was the first time being said disrespectful.

Then, I came across to know that the one I like is already attached, I was already prepared but still, I felt sad, my heart was torn, lots of uncomfortable thoughts happened in my mind, I tried to find someone to talk to which is the best way to calm me down, but nobody was there with me, I tried to find friends who were online, but the lagging internet line just blocked my way. Perhaps my entrusted friends are also bored listening my whining and complaining.

Well, I am human and I have feeling, my heart is not made of stone. I have been trying so hard to make my life happier. And it is always not fair to give bad faces to other friends. People like happy friends. I understand that. In fact, I already tolerate a lot with my feelings. I try my best to make my emotion unnoticeable. But when I am failed, a little concern to me is just nice, and I will be glad that nobody pours salts on the injuries.

Life is half of happiness and half of grief, whether you like it or not, take it and live with it, and I believe this dark moment will pass real soon.

Hot Air Balloon Festival

Yesterday was a memorable day. I went to Hot Air Balloon Expo! Thanks Tony Tee for suggesting this and Andy Khew for driving us there. Other participants were Wan Hwa and Venetia.

I was impressed by the architectural design of PutraJaya, didn't know such place exists in Malaysia. Massive and stylish structures, bizarre bridges, beautiful landmarks, whole place was just breathtaking. Great city planning, neat and systematic. 

 The carnival was crowded, and featured various games, 'seems' exciting. But no money has been spent on those games. What we did was just visiting around and taking pictures. Late at 7pm, the hot air balloons started to be released. The process was slow. Though, it was quite disappointing as we expected it would be majestic. So we left half-way.

Back to Puchong, we visited IOI mall (first time for me), had dinner at 'Little Pantry' (first time for me also). The restaurant was beautifully decorated, but lousy waitress and lousy food. The menu was not 'user friendly' for me, I couldn't believe I ordered a kid's meal! Which I found the menu did not explicitly show the type of the foods. Damn it. And the laksa was just upsetting the appetite, we couldn't even finished it although it was being shared by 4 of us. The restaurant was blacklisted.

                                                                         Kid's meal!

Back home, took shower, and then out again. We enjoyed the night life at Cafe Chulo (Jaya one). The pub was quiet. We ordered some drinks, played Uno by using poker cards, simple but had a good time.

We ended the night at 2pm.

It was great to spend times with friends that I am comfortable with, so that I could be myself. Glad to have them nearby in this dark moment to prevent me from thinking too much. Thanks to them.

Well, when is the next outing?

End of Chapter

I was weaker than I thought.

I did not intend to fight with you emotionally or prove anything to you. I just want to help myself, being away is the best remedy, at least for the moment.

Sorry that I did not control my emotion well enough. I felt bad bothering others, too. Maybe that time I still had some expectation from you, I thought you would care and take it seriously, at least for the little friendship and memories that we still share, but thanks for proving me wrong, our friendship worth shit.

My affection for you was a joke. I suffered for being totally one-sided. I tried lots of different ways to handle that, but somehow my true feeling failed me, again and again. Pretended to be happy but dying every second inside. I sucked being fake.

Should I blame anyone? No, I really shouldn’t. Everyone has their own priority that should be respected. In fact, I should be thankful. Thanks for those who hurt me that make me grow stronger. Thanks for the incident that sober me up, so that I would no longer live under your shadow.

Let bygones be bygones.

I did not mean to catch people attention. However, I was grateful that I caught those attentions from other friends who I overlooked, who had been treating me sincerely and keeping me rationalized, is really good to feel the significance for someone. =p

‘If you spend too long holding on the one who treats you like an option, you will miss finding someone who treats you like a priority’

Chapter with you ends here.

Insomnia

I can feel the pain deep inside my heart. It makes me can't sleep. 
How to get rid of the pain? Seriously I do not know.
But what I know is, things will get better..

Learn!

Learn how to blame yourself.

Every time you get frustrated, don’t blame others, blame yourself.

Blame yourself because you expected too much.

Blame yourself because you held on someone tight who never belong to you.

Blame yourself because you turned back after you promised to give up.

Blame yourself because you cared someone so much who doesn’t even give a shit to you.

Blame yourself because you were not good enough to be appreciated.

Blame yourself because you think too much.

Blame yourself because you didn’t know how to control your emotion.

Blame your childishness when you annoyed people so much.

Blame your stupidity when you repeated your mistakes.

Blame your kind-heartedness when you treated the wrong person nice.

Blame your carelessness when you overlooked those people that have been treating you sincerely.

Blame your loyalty when you focused on someone so much and couldn’t let go easily.

Last but not least,

Blame yourself because you love the wrong person.